there's paper in my vomit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize