ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
