I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just invented taco cereal.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
