He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
