We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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