Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
