Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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