Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
