ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
