Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
