I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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