Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
