just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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