This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
