Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
