I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
