Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize