I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
