i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
