You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize