Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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