Where is the hickey?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
