The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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