I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize