it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize