we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
