The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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