Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
