I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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