The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize