ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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