Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
