I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
