Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
