i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
