Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
