dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
