Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize