New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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