so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
