i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
