I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
