I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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