Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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