I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just had sex on a roof
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
