i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
