When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we're so committed to being not committed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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