I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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