just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
