YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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