I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
