Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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