I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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