I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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