Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
