Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize