i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
