there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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