dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
