I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
