aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize