I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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