the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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