Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
