Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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