Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize