I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize