There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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