Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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