my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
