YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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