dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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