Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
