I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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