Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize