Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
