Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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