Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize